Arrogant Bastards
by melly celly
Summary: Goku's worried about Bulma taking in Vegeta, but she's not worried at all. She can handle him... maybe. Vegeta/Bulma. One Shot. Inspired by the SPAM comic: Choosing Vegeta.


Arrogant Bastards

Goku's worried about Bulma taking in Vegeta, but she's not worried at all. She can handle him... maybe. Vegeta/Bulma. One Shot. Inspired by the SPAM comic: Choosing Vegeta. I don't own DBZ, this is just for entertainment. No sue me. Fanart titled "Kiss" from Lolikata on DeviantArt.

* * *

"Bulma, are you sure you're gonna be OK?" Goku asked, walking with Bulma outside of Capsule Corp.

"If I could handle you, then I can handle Vegeta. No sweat," said Bulma folding her arms.

"If you say so," said Goku, scratching the back of his head.

"There's nothing to worry about, Goku. He may have been a bad guy back on Namek, but here I can keep an eye on him. Sure, I don't owe him any favors, especially after he beat up Gohan - that jerk," Bulma explained. "But it's not like you can babysit him."

"Mm... I don't know..."

"Vegeta won't cause any trouble. I won't let him," said Bulma, holding up her fist.

"If he ever does I'll be here to put a stop to it."

Bulma laughed. "You just don't get it, do you, Goku?"

"Huh?"

"I know a lot of ways I can keep Vegeta under control."

Goku thought of the guy from the future - Trunks - and blurted out, "That's not what I'm worried about!"

Bulma raised her eyebrows. "Hm? What *is* it then?"

He froze. "Uhhhhh... uhhhhhhhhhhh..."

She narrowed her eyes.

"Vegeta's kind of, well, you know... and he might try to... and you! You're so, YOU, and together you two would be all, like, welllll - "

Bulma scowled. "Spit it out, Goku!"

"I don't want you to get taken advantage of! Vegeta's a monster. He likes to hurt people. He's not very nice either. And I'm not gonna let him do anything bad to my friends again."

Bulma smiled. "Oh, Goku. I know how to protect myself just fine." She looked up at the darkening blue sky and the emerging stars. "Looks like it's getting late. You better get back home to Chi Chi and Gohan before she pitches a fit."

"Oh no, you're right. I said I'd be back in time for dinner! Chi Chi's gonna kill me." Goku floated off the ground.

"See ya later!" She waved up at him.

"Bye!"

He waved back and then took off into the night sky. Trunks could have been wrong about Bulma and Vegeta somehow, he thought. But what if he was right?

"Ew, gross," Goku thought, sticking out his tongue.

* * *

Bulma stayed outside until Goku faded away on the city horizon. She sighed and turned around to go back inside.

She knew Vegeta was a terrible person, a crazy alien murderer. They didn't have many options though when it came to keeping the world safe from him. It was give Vegeta a place to crash or let him trash the planet.

Or... kill him in his sleep, but Bulma didn't think she could go through with that. She wasn't a killer like him.

Bulma gulped as she opened the door and heard nothing except dead silence inside. 'Where could he be?'

She clenched her teeth and walked the halls with caution. 'Maybe sending Goku away wasn't such a good idea afterall,' thought Bulma.

A glass shattered. Bulma looked over her shoulder.

"The kitchen! I should have known," she exclaimed, rushing down the hall and into the apartment suite.

Vegeta, wearing a Capsule Corp. shirt and sweats, was raiding the fridge... and the cabinets and the pantry, too. There was broken glass on the floor and he was eating practically everything in sight with his bare hands. The whole kitchen was a mess!

Bulma shouted, "Hey! Don't you have any home training at all!?"

Vegeta froze and glared at her while he gnawed on a turkey leg.

She stepped inside the kitchen and slammed her hands down on the island.

"Clean this up."

"You clean it up," he retorted, turning his back to her to eat more food.

Bulma fumed, but then stepped back from the island. She took a deep breath. "I don't know how things were on *your* home planet, but you're on *Earth* now, buddy."

Vegeta raised an eyebrow.

"Here I'm a heiress, that basically means I'm a princess. And no one talks to me that way! Now stop what you're doing and clean up this filthy kitchen!"

"I AM THE SAIYAN PRINCE, NO ONE TELLS ME WHAT TO DO, WOMAN!"

"AND THIS IS MY HOUSE SO YOU'LL DO AS I SAY!"

They glared at each other for a long time.

Bulma finally blinked and Vegeta was standing right in her face.

"Boo."

She screamed and scrambled back away from him.

Vegeta chuckled as Bulma laid her hand over her pounding chest. She tried to regain her confident posture and her angry face from before, but Vegeta stepped around her unphased.

"You're akin to a princess? Don't make me laugh."

"I am you, prick!" Bulma yelled at his retreating figure. "You're gonna be sorry you did this! Do you hear me, Vegeta!?"

She tried to calm down, but just looking at this dirty kitchen filled her with rage all over again. At the sound of a door slamming shut, Bulma could finally calm down.

'Well, you survived one more day with that walking garbage disposal,' she told herself as she rummaged through a kitchen counter and found a capsule pack.

Opening it, she looked at the numbers on top. 'Gosh, when I was a teenager I knew these off the top of my head. So much has changed lately,' she thought, finally finding the right one.

Bulma clicked the top, tossed it and after the cloud of smoke faded away, a robot maid appeared. It's lights came on as it whizzed to life.

She waved her hand. "Clean this up, would ya? Then you can power down. Thanks."

Bulma went upstairs to her room, shut and locked the door and went to shut and lock the balcony door as well. She may have given Goku the impression she could keep Vegeta in check, but the truth was that he scared the crap out of her a moment ago. Maybe keeping him around just wasn't worth it.

She took a deep exhale, 'No. I am NOT scared of him. He just uh, ummmm, caught me off guard. That's it!'

Then Bulma took off her clothes, showered, dried and eased into bed. "At the end of the day, he's just like any other man," she yawned. "And there's no man I can't handle."

In her dreams, she imagined being a teenager again, of befriending Goku and finding the dragon balls and the fun carefree adventures they used to have. She dreamed of Yamcha, too. Their break ups and make ups, their kisses and hugs.

She woke up to a furious tapping on her bedroom door. Bulma moaned and glanced at the clock.

"4 am?"

Then a thundering boom sounded that shook the whole compound. But that was no lightning storm.

Bulma bolted up in bed and reached for something steady to hold when the building started to shake and rattle again.

'That sound, it's coming from outside!'

There was more tapping on the door. Then a voice. "Bulma, honey, our guest wants to see you."

"Ugh, Mom," she groaned. 'Of course, Vegeta would get her involved in whatever the hell it is he's doing!'

Bulma tossed back the sheets and grabbed a black bra and panties to put on. Her hair was a tangled mess, but there was no time to make herself look stylish. Who knew what damage Vegeta was causing out there?

She grabbed her fluffy pink robe and hastily tied it in the front. She used the sleeve to wipe the sleep from her eyes. Bulma ran for the balcony, unlocking the doors and looking down at the ground where Vegeta was doing some kind of training that involved throwing his energy around.

She had no idea what he was really trying to do, but this had to stop.

"HEY!"

Vegeta looked up at her balcony with a devilish smile on his face.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!? I AM TRYING TO GET MY BEAUTY SLEEP!"

"I wanted to thank you for cleaning the eating room after I left! It was very kind of you..." Vegeta smiled, "Princess!"

Bulma growled and then turned red. Her eyes narrowed into slits. "Do you have a death wish?!"

Vegeta grinned at her anger. Bulma grabbed the balcony railing and leaned over with her free hand balled into a fist.

"That's IT! I have had ENOUGH of you! GET YOUR SORRY ASS INSIDE, RIGHT NOWWWW!"

"Or what?"

Bulma stopped. "Or I'll... I'll call Goku!"

Vegeta blinked and then he fell down with laughter. Bulma continued to rage internally as he laughed and laughed at her threat. "Should I be afraid? You're going to call Kakarot?"

"TO PICK UP YOUR DEAD BODY!"

Vegeta stopped laughing and Bulma felt a little breeze. 'It's not cold out here,' she thought as she looked down and saw the rope in her robe had become loose. She was practically flashing him!

Bulma turned pink. She spun around and closed her robe more tightly so he (and the whole neighborhood) couldn't see her lingerie.

She looked back down to Vegeta who had a very smug, self-satisfied look on his face. Bulma stormed downstairs and marched into the yard where he was.

She grabbed him by the collar and yanked him towards her.

"From now on you only train in the gravity room! It's INSIDE! Not OUTSIDE! You got that!?"

Bulma shoved him back. She went upstairs and into her room where she paced for an hour before she was calm enough to go back to bed again.

* * *

Later that day, Bulma awoke to peace and quiet. She sighed and smiled. She got out of bed and looked out the balcony. Vegeta was nowhere in sight.

'Well whaddya know? All I had to do was threaten his life to get him to act like a human being!'

She left the balcony doors open and glanced at the clock. 2:30 p.m. She put on some real clothes and fixed her hair back into its former poof.

She took her phone off the charger and called up Yamcha. She put him on speaker so she could pretend they were in the same room together.

"Hey, Bulma. How's life with Vegeta?"

Bulma grumbled into the speaker. "He's a pain in the butt. But that's not news to anyone."

"Is that why you called?"

"Huh?"

"You want me to take care of him? Just say the word, Bulma, and I'll be there to protect you!"

"What?" Bulma said, frowning. "I'm not a damsel and I'm not in distress. At least not right now. Um, Yamcha...?"

"Yeah?"

"I had a dream about you last night. Well, a dream about us."

"Oh yeah?"

"Mmhmm," she said with a smile, leaning back in bed and crossing her legs. "We were looking for the dragon balls, just like we used to do when we were younger. And it made me realize how much time has passed since we've been together. Yamcha, I think I..."

"Yes...?"

"I miss y - AHH!"

"Bulma!?"

"VEGETA!?" Bulma jumped out of bed. "How long have you been standing there!?"

He leaned on the door frame to her balcony. "Long enough."

"Oooo, get out of my room! You don't have permission to be here!" Bulma threw her phone at Vegeta and he caught it with one hand.

Vegeta looked at the phone, puzzled and amused.

"Bulma? Bulma, hello? Are you still there? Are you OK?"

"Where is that beta male's voice coming from?"

Bulma walked over to Vegeta. "It's a cell phone. It sends your voice over an electronic - oh, nevermind! You give me my phone! And don't even think about getting rid of it! Or I'll get rid of *you*!"

As Bulma reached and reached for the phone, Vegeta played keep away until Bulma practically had smoke coming out of her ears.

"Bulma, don't worry!" Yamcha yelled. Vegeta held the speaker up to his ear. "I'm on my way! Vegeta won't know what hit him!"

"Hahahahahaha, you puny excuse for a warrior," said Vegeta into the phone.

"You're holding it upside down." Bulma said.

"Come and get me, weakling! I've been bored all day and I could use some entertainment."

Bulma snatched the phone from Vegeta's hand. "Yamcha! Yamcha, I'm fine! Don't - " She paused and then pouted. "He hung up."

Vegeta smiled.

"You better not hurt him, you bully," said Bulma.

"And why shouldn't I? If he wants to start a fight with me, then he deserves to get pummeled."

"Everyone knows you're the strongest fighter around, you don't have to prove anything!"

Bulma took a step back. 'Did I just... compliment this tool?'

Vegeta looked just as taken aback by Bulma's words as she did.

She immediately tried to back pedal. "You should get out of here and go train. Since that's all you seem to care about. Leave Yamcha alone, okay? He's a nice guy and he doesn't deserve to get beaten up for it."

Vegeta was still silent and staring at her. 'Did I not make myself clear?' Bulma thought.

"Alright, out you go."

Bulma walked over and physically pushed Vegeta out of the bedroom, onto the balcony and towards the railing.

"Get your hands off me, woman!"

"Oh what's that? Don't like it when other people push you around, huh? Well, maybe you shouldn't push me around? And you shouldn't mess with my friends and the people I care about either!"

Vegeta pulled away from her. "Stop talking. You're giving me a headache."

"You give me a headache every day!" She shut her eyes and waved her arms. "And for the last freakin' time, my name is not 'woman.' My name is - "

Bulma's eyes shot open and all she could see was a close-up of Vegeta's cheek; all she could feel was his lips on hers. Her face felt hot and his hand cupping the back of her neck felt hot too.

She relaxed a little, closed her eyes, leaned into it and then heard a shriek.

Bulma pulled back and looked over her shoulder to see Yamcha, hovering over them. His jaw had dropped.

"I - I can't believe it. You and him?"

Bulma felt light-headed. She didn't know if it was the kiss or the shock of seeing Yamcha, but she didn't know what to say. Or do. Her whole face was tingling. By the time she'd found words to say, Yamcha was flying off back into the city.

"Yamcha, wait!"

Vegeta burst into laughter.

Bulma rushed back into her room, slammed the balcony door shut and closed the blinds.

'What the hell was that?'

Bulma went into the bathroom and saw how hard she was blushing.

"That jerk kissed me."

* * *

After she'd calmed down, Bulma went looking for Vegeta. She stood outside the gravity room for 15 minutes trying to collect herself, before yanking open the door.

The gravity wasn't on. Vegeta was punching and kicking the air. 'Was he waiting for me?' she thought. Bulma quickly pushed that thought out of her head.

"You did that on purpose," she accused him.

He paused. "What?"

"You overheard us talking and you sensed Yamcha coming, didn't you? So you thought you would make him jealous instead and - "

Vegeta started howling with laughter. It was loud and hearty laughter. Bulma felt a blush creep into her face again.

"Me? Jealous of a punching bag? Woman, have you gone mad?"

"If it wasn't because of Yamcha, then why did you kiss me?"

He grinned and turned back to his jabs and kicks.

"Answer me!"

Vegeta stopped and sighed, "Because... how else was I going to shut you up? It worked, didn't it?"

"Y - YOU ARROGANT BASTARD!"

"Cold bitch!"

"Fucking jerk!"

"Stupid little girl!"

"SHORT! Short! Short! Short!"

Vegeta gasped then balled up his fists and growled at Bulma.

She bolted out of the gravity room and slammed the door shut. 'What in the world has come over me? He's going to kill me for that!'

* * *

Except death did not come. Capsule Corp. was quiet again as Bulma assumed Vegeta spent the rest of the night training by his lonesome.

She put on pajama shorts and a tank top and combed out her fluffy hairstyle until her hair was straight and cascading down her shoulders again.

Bulma went to bed regretting what she'd said earlier. She thought, 'I told Goku that I could handle him, except here I am acting like a spoiled brat.'

/ "He's like a spoiled little kid," said Bulma as Vegeta yelled demands at her from the shower his first day back at Capsule Corp. after an unsuccessful search for Goku.

Yamcha smirked where he sat at the table on the balcony with Krillin and Puar. "Man, sounds like you." She turned around to look at him. His smile said it all. He was right. /

Bulma grabbed her phone and sent Yamcha a text. She laid awake in bed for an hour waiting for his reply, but it didn't seem as if he was going to send one. He hadn't answered his phone earlier when Bulma called either.

She tossed it aside. "Well, I can't blame him."

Bulma pulled up the sheets and closed her eyes. As soon as she did, she heard knocking at her door.

She sighed and got up to answer it.

"Vegeta?" She leaned back, shocked that he was here in the middle of the night. He looked as if he'd just now - at midnight! - left the gravity room. She was surprised she couldn't smell him coming down the hall.

Bulma quickly recovered, "What do you want?"

"You were correct."

Bulma raised an eyebrow. "About...?"

He narrowed his eyes. "You know what you were correct about."

She folded her arms. "Oh, do you mean I was right about you being a jerk? Well, of course I was right. I'm always right."

"That's - " Vegeta took a deep breath. "That is not what I meant, woman."

"You're gonna have to refresh my memory then." Bulma smiled.

Grumbling the whole time and avoiding her eyes, Vegeta replied, "I sensed him coming. That is why I grabbed you."

"I knew it! Haha!" Bulma laughed, opened the door wider and put a hand on her hip. "Oh Vegeta, are you apologizing to me? I completely understand, if I were you I wouldn't want me for an enemy either."

"What? Of course not! Saiyans do not apologize!"

"And it's so late! Couldn't you simply wait until the morning?"

"Stupid woman, what does time have to do with anything?"

"It means you couldn't stay away from me." Bulma stepped closer to him and lowered her voice.

"I - I have perfect self-control. You Earthlings do not make me weak!"

"I don't believe you. Look at you!" She said with a giggle. "You're turning red!"

"Shut up!"

"Kiss me again and I might."

They stared at each other for a long time. Vegeta finally grabbed her around the waist and pulled her into a kiss.

* * *

NOTE: Okay, so people say all the time that they can't see Vegeta and Bulma together - as a couple or anything else. It makes no sense, they'd never get along, Bulma never showed any prior interest in him, blah blah blah. But to me IT HAS ALWAYS MADE PERFECT SENSE. They're basically one aggressive, self-centered personality living in two bodies and they're made for each other, okay? And I thought it was time to write something out to show how this seemingly bizzaro union is actually covert brilliance. Please comment 3


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